My girls, Madison Lee & Remi Beau.
The Lord sent Maddie as my LifeSaver and Remi as my Lagniappe.
It was early in life that I learned indecision, may or may not be, my problem. At the age of nineteen, I was informed that I should have life’s plan under my belt and the financial means to ensue it. In other words. what every high school graduate realizes: decide on a major and get the student loans required to complete that major in order to become a productive member of society.
I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up!! I wanted to be married, have children and make money. Well, make money any day but Sunday because that is the Lord’s day. That’s what my mother did. That’s what all my friends mothers’ did. That’s all I knew.
My surprise came on Valentine’s Day of my 19th year on this earth. It was in the bathroom of the restaurant I was clocking in and out of daily to get myself through freshmen year at the local community college. That day in that bathroom, in a haze that blended with the black and white checkered tile, the test results weren’t A+ or B+. They were simply two positives, side by side, in a pinkish red that I had never seen so vibrant in all my life.
He was good looking, a college grad, owned his own company but most of all came from good people. His parents both school teachers. His dad a deacon at the local Baptist Church where his mother had also been a Sunday School teacher for years. Neither of us were too excited; but in our mind, the only way to correct, what went wrong during half time of the super bowl that year, and that was to get married. So off to Tennessee it was. No thought to the 10 year age difference, my ability to bring nothing financially to the table or his previous marriage that brought his two children to the table. Just the simple fact it was the “right thing to do”.
I will stand firm til the day I die that Madison’s daddy and I did the right thing. We did the best we could. As two humans that had fallen out of the Lord’s will for our lives, the right thing wasn’t good enough. However, had the Lord not allowed Maddie in my life, I am afraid to know the parties I would have attended. The half times through out community college spent with people who sought nothing but destruction for themselves and me. God, of all people, knew that I’m an incredibly hesitant decision maker. One that, in fact, has gone with the flow and am generally reaping the consequences by the time I chose to realize I’ve chosen a bad decision. The thought turns my stomach, more than anything at the county fair could entertain, as to where I would have ended up had God not sent Madison. No doubt sent to save me from my own destruction. No doubt she is my little lifesaver.
Motherhood looked good on me. Granted, I was only 19 and none of my friends had gone through it, but I was the best little mother ever. I came home from a c-section without asking once for my mother or his mothers help. Not one ibuprofen. let alone pain pill, did I touch. Madison slept in her very own room beginning the night we brought her home. In three weeks I was back on my feet, dropping her off at the sitter so I could spend 10 hours at cosmetology school.
Two divorces (which are blogs of their own and blame being nothing short of dead center), a new home, loss of a business, a degree, addictions and affairs later, we agreed that going our separate ways would simply be “the right thing to do”. So, at the age of ten, my little life saver was officially from a broken home!
Madison’s father and I spent years trying to act like it wasn’t broken. Spending Holidays together, never really dating anyone else. Heck, most of our community and very few church members knew we had gotten a divorce. All for the façade to soon fade and the realty to be ever more vivid this little girl’s home was something I had never known, broken.
With strength beyond measure, she held up to the title given to her. She was my crutch, my hope and my lifesaver through it all. Once again I was fortunate enough to have help through one of the hardest times in my life. My help came through what I unknowingly held my head down in shame over just ten years earlier. My help came through Madison. Once again, pulling me out of a capsized mistake and through turbulent waters. Once again, when I was seeing that pinkish red flash (one so bright and vibrant like I’d never before seen) I heard Maddie’s voice cry: hold on to me, I’ve got you mama, it’s okay, you’re okay, I’m okay, we are okay. She was the most beautiful lifesaver that had ever been cast into troubled waters. She was hand picked by God Himself just for me.
Most spend millions before giving their beautiful, intricately carved and polished to shine vessel a name. However, I had not a dime and less than 10 months to give my beautiful, intricately carved, and polished beyond a shine bateau a name. ‘Madison Lee McQuary’ alone has a way of directing me to the LightHouse when no one else can.
I thank God for the Lifesaver, LifeBoat, LightHouse and, yes, even the Rough Waters!
I thank Him for Madison Lee, forever my baby she will be.
“My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”. -Psalm 73:26″